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5 Guaranteed Ways To Drive Your Co-Developers Crazy


We've all been driven crazy by them, and we've all been guilty of them. Here are 5 guaranteed ways to make your co-developers crazy. Want to be looking for work soon? Add these to your new year's resolutions!

5 - Performance is your drum. Beat it.

Sure we'd all like to implement more requested features before the release, but don't let that stop you from debating the algorithmic complexity of JavaScript's array.sort(). Bad things happen to those who ignore performance. I know we're only handling 20 items right now, but what if it ever gets to 20.000?

4 - Refactor like a dog with a stick.

Refactoring can't be bad, right? You're making the codebase better. Hey, it may seem unrelated to the work you're supposed to be doing, and after a few days of hard work the pull request will be a little large. Your colleagues will need to tweak their branches a little to connect with your new abstractions. But just look at all this amazing code you wrote. In the end, everyone will thank you for it.

3 - Praise be, flame warrior.

You have been blessed with an innate sense of perfection. Deviation from your coding standards isn't just an insult to good taste, it's a moral affront. To the semicolons!

2 - You're in love, and why should that be a secret?

Tell everyone about your crush. New [language or framework x] is so much more concise, readable, performant, flexible, secure, easy to learn, well-documented, exciting. It's... *teary eyes* beautiful.

Did you know that [insert true love] could fix that problem in 5 minutes? It wouldn't even be a problem, really. Have you considered a complete rewrite? It would only take a few weeks, tops!

1 - No no, it's self-documenting.

Surely those beautifully crafted concise functions don't need comments. I mean, it took three hours to write, so someone can at least take a few minutes to understand it. And come on, just look at the function signature. It's practically self-documenting!


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